


Finalizer Weekly

by NatashaRS



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: ALL OF THE CRACK, Comedy, Crack, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enough crack for a 20 year sentence, Every of the Crack, Gossip, It's Really Nothing But Crack, M/M, Rumors, total crack
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-14
Updated: 2017-03-23
Packaged: 2018-10-04 16:54:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10283636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NatashaRS/pseuds/NatashaRS
Summary: Few people outside of the Finalizer's crew know that the ship has a weekly gossip magazine called "Finalizer Weekly." The reporting may not be the best and the stories may not be all that accurate, but reading it is a favorite pastime for many of the lower-ranking crew members aboard the ship. Here are some excerpts & don't forget to take the weekly poll.(A Kylux story told exclusively through the Finalizer's gossip magazine. 100% Crack.)





	1. Issue 1 Excerpts

**Author's Note:**

> This idea just popped into my head and so here we are.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> THIS ISSUE:  
> \- Scandal in the Mess Hall  
> \- Keep Your Stormtrooper Armor Smelling Fresh  
> \- It Gets Heated in the Mess Hall

**SCANDAL IN THE MESS HALL**

New reports say that a mysterious blond worker was spotted in the mess hall this week. Who is he? No one knows. Some suspect that he’s a spy working for the New Republic. Others claim an incompetent worker.

Is he related to Kylo Ren? A new source claims that the blond man’s supposed infatuation with the terrifying knight is really a misrepresentation of their relationship. Are they long lost twins? Cousins? Or is this Kylo Ren’s Force-free younger brother? No one knows, and most are afraid to ask.

Hear what our stars have to say:

“Get that holopad out of my face.” - Cpt. Phasma

“He seems familiar, I don’t know. Wait! General Hux! Can you go over these papers? Hey are you guys still recording?” - Lt. Mitaka

“I don’t know who he is, but I wish he’d just get back to work.” - Lt. Reuss

Who do you think he is? If you have information, contact the team of  _ Finalizer Weekly. _

 

**KEEP YOUR STORMTROOPER ARMOR SMELLING FRESH**

For this week’s interview with our stormtrooper captains, we focused on an important topic: How do you keep the funk out while still staying funky? 

We all know that one guy that we try to be friendly with, but who makes us hold our breath as we pass them in the hall. If you don’t know that guy, you are him. If this is the case, or if you’re worried about your armor becoming a walking death trap from your nose, then it’s time to learn how to keep your armor fresh. We compiled these tips below:

  1. Clean your armor everyday using the First Order’s special blend of armor cleaner + polish. Don’t forget to use the interior solution on the inside. - Cpt. Sant
  2. Try using a spritz or two of water mixed with some oil. I prefer the lav flower’s scent. - Cpt. Eldoge
  3. My personal solution is to have the droids wash my undersuit with Storm Fresh TM. Keep the cloth clean, keep the armor clean. - Cpt. Doil
  4. I said go away. And I store my armor in a well-ventilated space. - Cpt. Phasma



Well there you have it! Tips from our captains aboard the  _ Finalizer _ . Next week, we’ll be discussing taking charge while staying social. Who said butterflies can’t be fierce?

 

**IT GETS HEATED ON THE BRIDGE**

Master Knight Kylo Ren and the prestigious General Armitage Hux are often found in a battle of wits on the bridge. This week, things heated up to near-physical levels. We managed to get an exclusive interview with a witness, who asked us to keep their name anonymous.

[Witness] It was intense. One minute I was checking starboard angles, the next I was worried for my life.

[Finalizer Weekly] Have you ever seen them fight before?

[Witness] Yes, but not like this. It didn’t come to blows, but the General’s eyes held so much fury that I was surprised when Kylo Ren didn’t burst into flames.

[Finalizer Weekly] And what about Ren?

[Witness] Well...he wears that helmet so you can’t tell what his eyes look like. But he’s huge. Really tall. And he was all tensed up, like a cat ready to pounce. I swear he was about to attack the General.

[Finalizer Weekly] Who do you think would’ve won?

[Witness] I...well...do they read this? I mean, this is just a gossip magazine, right?

[Finalizer Weekly] We take our reporting seriously.

[Witness] Right, uh, sorry. I guess I really don’t know who would’ve won. I mean, Kylo Ren has the Force, they say, but you’ve never seen the General mad.

[Finalizer Weekly] Well put, and thanks for allowing us this interview!

Our thanks is extended to our anonymous interviewee. If you were there, who do you think would’ve won? We’re taking a poll - just submit your answer to  _ Finalizer Weekly _ and we’ll publish the results next week. In the meantime, if you’d like to avoid the conflict onboard, we suggest visiting the bridge during the third shift. If you’d like to get in on the action, try the first shift, when Kylo Ren and General Hux tend to be on the bridge at the same time - just don’t tell anyone we let you know!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Weekly Poll: Who would win in a fight between Kylo Ren and General Hux?  
> Vote A for Kylo Ren  
> Vote B for General Hux  
> OR Write in your own answer


	2. Issue 2 Excerpts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poll Results  
> Staying Cool While in Command  
> A Hidden Killer on Board!  
> Interview with First Order Strategists  
> Weekly Poll

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a weekly magazine in-universe, but I'll probably update it more frequently than once a week, because chapters are short and dumb.
> 
> (Also, poll results reported are based on your answers but modified to fit in-universe.)
> 
> I have the Issues planned out through #5. The next issue will include a new weekly installment. Kylux progress is a little slow at first though.

**POLL RESULTS: KYLO REN VS. GENERAL HUX - WHO WOULD WIN?**

In last week’s poll, we asked our readers who would win should a fight break out between our General Hux and Kylo Ren. To everyone that responded: Thank you!

The answer was clear: The crew of the  _ Finalizer _ thinks that General Hux would win.

Breakdown:

85% - General Hux

15% - Kylo Ren

While not surprising, we decided to talk to the  _ Finalizer’s _ top strategists about the hypothetical fight.  _ Interview on pg. 16 _

 

**TOP TIPS FOR STAYING COOL WHILE IN COMMAND**

Last week our officers gave you some tips on keeping that armor fresh. This week, we’ve asked them to tell us how they stay on top of things while remaining social.

We all know that one captain (not Captain Phasma, of course) that is all work and no play, but not every officer is like that. Many of them manage to soar as social butterflies while still commanding the respect of our troops. So how do they do it? The secret is out. Here what they have to say:

  1. Work hard, play hard. Make sure to reward your men and women with incentives! - Cpt. Eldoge
  2. I like to keep a bobble head in my office of Darth Vader. It says “You have not failed me...yet,” when you press the button on the base. I think my men like it. It keeps things light. - Cpt. Doil
  3. This is your last warning. Get to work or you’ll be getting double-shifts for the week. - Cpt. Phasma
  4. Motivational posters always work well. My favorite is a picture of the New Republic’s senate that says “All Talk and No Action? Don’t Be Like the Senate, Don’t Be Useless.” - Cpt. 
  5. I tend to yell a lot, it’s encouraging. But I also give my top performers shirts that say “Tarkin Would Be Proud.” - Cpt. Vaut



 

**A HIDDEN KILLER ON BOARD!**

There may be something more dangerous than a rebel amongst our ranks! Reports have been rolling in regarding a mysterious creature on board the ship. Keep your eyes out - you don’t want to come face to face with this beast.

Sources say that the creature is roughly the size of a MSE-6 repair droid, and bright orange in color. It has two pointed ears and a mouth of deadly fangs. It’s cry is shrill, but most of the time it prefers to remain silent before attacking.

We’ve eliminated the possibilities and identified the creature as a Dothcat. A relative to the harmless Lothcat of Lothal, the Dothcat is far deadlier. It bears five sharp claws on each of its front feet, and four on the back. At the end of its tail is a sharp point that is poisonous to most sentient humanoids.

We are currently investigating the appearance of this creature, although command has not released any official statements. It has been most often spotted near Quarter Section 6A, where the quarters of the highest ranking officers are located. No injuries have been reported as of yet, but keep an eye out for this dangerous beast.

 

**WHO WOULD WIN? FIRST ORDER STRATEGIST’S ANSWER**

Due to the popularity and variety of opinions regarding last week’s poll, we decided to talk to the  _ Finalizer’s _ top strategists and get their expert opinions. Our interview uncovered interesting information:

[Finalizer Weekly] Thank you for joining us today!

[Lt. Samu’el] It’s our pleasure.

[Finalizer Weekly] You three are the best of the best when it comes to strategy. Who would win in a spontaneous fight between General Hux and Kylo Ren? And how?

[Lt. Garr] We unanimously agree that General Hux would win, but we disagree on how.

[Finalizer Weekly] We’d love to hear your opinions. Who’d like to start?

[Lt. Asp] I don’t mind going first. I personally believe that General Hux has installed Selvo Bonds all throughout the ship. Some sudden maintenance was performed ship-wide shortly after Kylo Ren’s arrival and it seems to be the most likely answer.

[Finalizer Weekly] And what are those?

[Lt. Asp] Selvo Bonds are a special type of handcuff that prevents one from moving their hands at all. They’re known for their use against Force-users, and older models were uncommon, but often found in the hands of pirates. The First Order has their own special model that was developed recently.

[Lt. Samu’el] This is where I disagree with her. Lt. Asp believes that most Force-users require hand gestures and, while this is usually true, I don’t think that the General would underestimate Kylo Ren like that. There’s a higher chance that he has emergency gas bombs made of Esso air. It has an instant knock-out effect, but a very small radius of use.

[Lt. Garr] But I think both ideas are ridiculous.

[Finalizer Weekly] How do you think the General would win, then?

[Lt. Asp] His idea is insane.

[Lt. Garr] It’s not! I think he’d just punch him. Then, while Kylo Ren is still in shock, he’d use Formula 6, which creates a localized area of intense gravity.

[Lt. Samu’el] Okay, but why not use F6 first? That doesn’t make sense.]

[Lt. Garr] I told you - shock value! Emotions have to be considered in strategy. Plus, who would go to Salvo Bonds first? That’s ridiculous.

[Lt. Asp] Which is why I think Esso air is the most likely.

[Finalizer Weekly] Thank you all for your opinions! We’ll definitely have to see who is right, should the time come.

For all of our readers, feel free to write in and tell us how you think the general would win. In the meantime, we’d like to let you know that the latest rumors say a betting pool has started on Lounge 4F. You didn’t hear it from us, though.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WEEKLY POLL:
> 
> Should the Supreme Leader get a toupee?  
> Vote A for Yes  
> Vote B for No  
> Or, write in your own answer!


	3. Issue 3 Excerpts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> POLL RESULTS ON THE SUPREME LEADER'S TOUPEE  
> DATING IN THE FIRST ORDER  
> THE PERFECT DAILY WORKOUT  
> LT. MITAKA'S GUIDE TO NOT BEING KILLED BY KYLO REN  
> ANNOUNCEMENTS  
> NEW POLL

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For anyone that guessed it, that was indeed a reference to Millicent in the last Issue. And Matt the Radar Technician in the first. I'm trying to include subtle references to Kylux tropes/AUs/etc. (And am open to suggestions!!!!) This Issue's is pretty subtle.
> 
> Also, omfg I loved your responses to Issue 2 (esp. the poll). 
> 
> If you decide to try Phasma's workout, please let me know. Also, I will pray for you.

**POLL RESULTS: SHOULD THE SUPREME LEADER GET A TOUPEE?**

We asked you, our readers, if Supreme Leader Snoke should get a toupee and received an overwhelming answer of “Yes.”

Breakdown:

92% - Yes

8% - No

Of the 92% that said “Yes,” 76% replied that the Supreme Leader would look better even in a poorly made blond wig that made his head look like a square.

Of the 8% that said “No,” 24% replied that they found the bald look “Picard-esque” (as in the great General Jean-Luc Picard) and oddly sexy.

If you were in that category, we advise seeking a medical examination immediately.

 

**NO REGRETS! THE SCOOP ON DATING IN THE FIRST ORDER**

Navigating the asteroid field that is dating can be hard on its own, but finding the perfect date while aboard the _Finalizer_ may be downright daunting. Luckily for you, we’ve put together the perfect guide to dating on the dark side.

STEP 1: Figure out what you need.

Whether you’re up for something casual or need a long-term commitment, the first thing to do is figure out what will make you happy. (Just remember, all relationships must be consensual. Unless you’re a certain absolutely terrifying master of the Force, assault of any kind is a big no-no in the FO.)

STEP 2: Get it on.

Grab your friends or ride the Millennium Falcon - Solo style. Take some extra time to your clothes (everyone enjoys well-ironed outfits in the First Order!) and make sure to take a shower. Issues with armor funk? Check out Issue 1 for more tips.

STEP 3: Find your spot.

If you want to go casual, check out the Stormtrooper Lounge in section 3D of the ship. Everyone is welcome, but bring a helmet of some sort. This is the low-key party place for casual relationships to blossom. We advise trying their Tatooine Sunrise!

For something a bit more romantic, Jabba’s Cantina in section 3F is known for its dim lights and is a great spot to meet others interested in solid relationships. They serve a delicious blue drink made of the milk of Estoine’s native bovine. It’s cold, sweet, and the perfect drink to share.

Some great tips to remember:

  1. Don’t talk work. Secrets aren’t secrets if everyone knows them!
  2. Always be on the lookout for rebel scum. Your bed may not be the only thing they plan on wrecking.
  3. Do not let the Knights of Ren convince you that asking out the general is a good idea. It’s not.
  4. Also don’t let them convince you to do the Bantha Dance. No one wants to see that.
  5. Always have a good time, and don’t forget to toast our Supreme Leader!



 

**CAPTAIN PHASMA: THE PERFECT DAILY WORKOUT**

Despite the fact that Captain Phasma threatened us last week when we approached her, our new editor suggested that we interview her about fitness. We are happy to report that she agreed! This was originally going to be a panel, but the captain graced us with enough knowledge to fill out the entire article.

How can you stay fit while confined to a metal death city that’s floating about in the void of space? It’s easy! Follow Captain Phasma’s Perfect Daily Workout:

  1. Wake up at 04:00 and start the day with a healthy breakfast and a glass of water.
  2. Run one lap around your floor of the ship. Two if you’re on floors 2S or 2W, which don’t span the entire ship’s length.
  3. Visit one of the gyms and do 100 of the following: push-ups, sit-ups, pull-ups, squats.
  4. Glare at anyone that tries to talk to you while you’re working out. Scare them away.
  5. Take a shower and go to work.
  6. Repeat steps 2-4 before bed and make sure to drink plenty of water.



According to Captain Phasma “this easy and simple workout is a good way to start exercising on a daily basis. It’s a plan designed to keep you in basic shape. Once you’re used to this, you can move on to a workout that’s actually moderately difficult.”

For a motivational holovid to watch or listen to while you workout, please visit the _Finalizer Weekly Online_ page to hear words of wisdom and instruction from the captain herself.

 

**MITAKA’S GUIDE TO NOT BEING KILLED BY KYLO REN**

We all know that Lt. Mitaka has the difficult job of bearing tough news to Kylo Ren, and yet he’s still alive. Have you ever wondered how he managed to accomplish this feat? We talked to him to find out.

[Finalizer Weekly] Lt. Mitaka, thanks for taking the time to meet with us. We’re curious, how do you avoid an untimely death at the hands of Lord Ren?

[Lt. Mitaka] Well, I’ll be honest. It’s not easy. [laughs] I wasn’t sure I’d make it at first, but then I figured out a few key tips to keeping myself in one piece...and breathing.

[Finalizer Weekly] We’d love to hear them.

[Lt. Mitaka] Okay, well first is that I make sure to do important tasks to help General Hux out. Sometimes it’s as simple as getting him is thrice daily caf. Some stuff is more important to the FO as a whole.

[Finalizer Weekly] And how does this help?

[Lt. Mitaka] I figure, if General Hux likes me, he’ll get really mad if Kylo Ren kills me. And Kylo Ren knows that. So far, it seems to be working.

[Finalizer Weekly] That makes sense. But that’s not all you do?

[Lt. Mitaka] No. The second thing I figured out is to deliver messages by handing him a holopad. He’s more likely to take his anger out on the pad, which becomes the messenger, and not me. Unfortunately, I made the mistake of giving him my personal holopad once.

[Finalizer Weekly] Ouch. At least it wasn’t you that he broke, right?

[Lt. Mitaka] Right! And, of course, the third thing I do is offer Kylo Ren some of these caramel candies I keep in my pocket. It was awkward at first and he almost murdered me over just that, but it turns out he really likes them. I offer them whenever I see him so that he’ll associate me with something good.

[Finalizer Weekly] Wow! How did you even think of that?

[Lt. Mitaka] I was scared, honestly, and I had some in my pocket. I didn’t know what else to do. But he really likes them. He even sought me out just to get one the other day after he had a bought with the general on the bridge. I should keep some there too, now that I think about it.

[Finalizer Weekly] Just make sure the crew doesn’t eat them! Well thank you for your wisdom, Lt. Mitaka.

[Lt. Mitaka] Thank you!

 

ANNOUNCEMENT

Since our readership has been growing, we’ve been asked to include some announcements. Here is this week’s:

Attention: Two generals will be visiting the _Finalizer_ next week. All personnel should be on their best behavior. Additionally, there may be some delay in work as personnel are assigned to temporary positions in order to prepare for our guests’ arrival. Specific information regarding your assignments will appear on your holopad with your standard messages.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WEEKLY POLL:  
> Rebel or Retro - is Resistance style out of fashion?  
> Vote A for "Their Jumpsuits Are Ugly, Black is the New Orange"  
> Vote B for "Their Faces Are Ugly, So Fashion Won't Help"  
> Vote C for "No, Because I'm a Traitor to the First Order" and make sure to include your name + ID Number  
> Or write in your own answer!


	4. Issue 4 Excerpts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> POLL RESULTS: REBEL OR RETRO  
> REN DISCOVERED FIGHTING WITH ANOTHER GENERAL! WITNESS TELLS ALL  
> PHASMA’S FANTASTIC FITNESS: THE CHROME-PLATED DIET  
> HOW THE GENERAL IS TAKING IT - AN EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH CPT. PHASMA  
> IS YOUR DATE A REBEL? SIGNS THAT HE’S A TRAITOR  
> ANNOUNCEMENTS  
> WEEKLY POLL

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eep I wanted to post this sooner but a) life bro, and b) it's a little longer i think. Shit gets real this time.
> 
> I gave it my best. Well, the best I could give any piece of crack this ridiculous.
> 
> Please enjoy and make sure to subscribe to Finalizer Weekly for all the latest news on your ship.
> 
> (Did you get the pun? Ship? Eh? Eh? I have a headache and this is how I cope)
> 
> Btw, last Issue's reference was to the Blue Milkshake thing.

**POLL RESULTS: REBEL OR RETRO?**

Last week’s poll was on Resistance fashion. Well done, readers, none of you are spies.

Breakdown:

75% - Black is the new orange

25% - No amount of fashion advice will help the Resistance

0% - Rebel

 

**REN DISCOVERED FIGHTING WITH ANOTHER GENERAL! WITNESS TELLS ALL**

As you all know, two generals are currently visiting the  _ Finalizer _ . The latest news reveals that Kylo Ren has been fighting with General Puig. Is this the end for Kylo Ren and General Hux’s long-lived rivalry? Is Kylo Ren moving on to other men? You can read our  _ exclusive _ interview with a witness right here.

According to our witness, who wishes to remain anonymous for obvious reasons (he doesn’t have Mitaka’s caramel-filled pockets), Kylo Ren was found fighting with General Puig in the Officer’s Lounge on deck F4. The argument started out with a short introduction and heated glares before the conversation fired up.

“It was uncomfortable, really, sitting there while the two men stared at each other. We could all tell what they were thinking, but no one said anything. We just watched as it all unfolded,” our witness told us.

Soon, the two men increased their volume.

“Oh it was loud. Really loud. I was told that you could hear them from in the hall and also several rooms away. They did not hold back.”

What started off as just words nearly came to blows. The fight supposedly escalated, with Ren grabbing onto General Puig’s robes and bringing him in close.

“That was the scariest moment of all. They’d been so loud and we all tried to pretend like nothing was going on, but then Ren grabbed him and we were all shocked. He got quiet all of a sudden and pulled him in real close. They both wear black, and it was close enough for their robes to overlap, making it hard to see their outline. And I think Ren growled.”

It was all over in an instant, and Ren was gone, General Puig left with a pink expression and sweat dripping down his neck.

But what does this mean for the relationship between Kylo Ren and General Hux? Has the knight moved on? We discussed this important development with an expert. Read about it further on.

 

**PHASMA’S FANTASTIC FITNESS: THE CHROME-PLATED DIET**

In a surprising turn of events, Captain Phasma has agreed to do a weekly segment on fitness and health in the First Order. In exchange, she’s going to be helping us out with pieces on General Hux and Kylo Ren. We’re happy to have her on our team.

This week in Phasma’s Fantastic Fitness, Captain Phasma is providing you with the perfect diet to achieve the look of a chrome-plated god.

What’s on the diet?

  1. The tears of your enemies
  2. Protein
  3. Vegetables
  4. First Order Fitness Snacks



What’s not on the diet?

  1. Sugar
  2. Carbs
  3. Anything that tastes good



That means YOU CAN’T HAVE:

  1. Palpatine’s Popped Pelacorn
  2. Star Destroyer Fun O’s
  3. General Hux’s Ginger Snaps
  4. Cookies.
  5. Cinnamon Leia Rolls



That’s right. There are no cookies here. Plus, you should focus on restricting your meals to three times a day and during regular meal breaks. If you find yourself getting dehydrated, Captain Phasma advises that you work harder and make your enemies cry. Just make sure to filter the tears because salt water will only make you more thirsty. Or make the Altarians cry. Their tears are already made of refined water.

 

**HOW THE GENERAL IS TAKING IT - AN EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH CPT. PHASMA**

What will happen to our beloved General Hux and his relationship with Kylo Ren? We decided to consult Captain Phasma, who’s the  _ Finalizer’s _ resident expert on the feud between the two men.

[Finalizer Weekly] Well, Captain, is this the end for Kylo Ren and General Hux?

[Cpt. Phasma] (Pauses)...No. Not these two. Their hatred for each other runs deep. Something like this won’t sever it.

[Finalizer Weekly] But Kylo Ren always fights with General Hux, why do you think he went after Puig this time? Is he not satisfied with yelling at our general?

[Cpt. Phasma] Knowing Ren, it was probably to piss off Hux even more. Think about it. What could start a bigger fight than going behind his back to yell at another general and having the whole ship hear about it?

[Finalizer Weekly] We’ve heard that General Hux hasn’t reacted though. Why’s that?

[Cpt. Phasma] Kylo Ren may be powerful, but the general is cunning. He’s baiting Ren by not reacting.

[Finalizer Weekly] That’s our general. Calm and cool.

[Cpt. Phasma] Well he is pouting a little. He sent Mitaka on an off-ship assignment for the next few days.

[Finalizer Weekly] The caramels?

[Cpt. Phasma] The caramels.

According to our interview with the prestigious Captain Phasma, Ren and Hux will be back together on the bridge in no time. Do you agree? Make sure to fill out this week’s poll!

 

**IS YOUR DATE A REBEL? SIGNS THAT HE’S A TRAITOR**

Traitors everywhere! It’s a dangerous time to be dating in the First Order and you better watch your back. How can you keep the  _ Finalizer  _ safe? See if your date meets any of the following criteria. If they do, then they aren’t the one for you (and you need to report them to Internal Regulations right away).

Signs that your date is a rebel:

  1. Unless your date’s name is Thannison, they should know their way around the ship. Does your date get lost often?
  2. Poor fashion. (Hint: Look for the color orange.)
  3. Hair styles that remind you of desserts. No buns are the best buns.
  4. A frequent use of the phrase “I’ve got a bad feeling about this.”
  5. The ability to move inanimate objects with their minds. It’s a bad sign. A really bad sign.
  6. Use of cute nicknames for droids.
  7. Bloody hand prints on their helmets or blasters that haven’t been used.
  8. Daddy issues.
  9. Lack of hygiene. If they smell like a scavenger, they probably are a scavenger.
  10. Quippy one-liners. We have no sense of humor in the First Order.



Bonus: If your date wants access to a reactor of any sort, they’re probably a rebel. 

Keep your eyes out and keep your ship, your general, and yourself safe.

 

**ANNOUNCEMENT**

Attention: Aerobics classes start in the gyms in sector G6 next week. Make sure to pick up your aerobics uniform if you haven’t already. Unfortunately, due to a manufacturer error, the uniforms are pink and yellow. Supplies Management is working on correcting this issue but, for the time being, there are no other colors available. Sign up now before classes fill up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WEEKLY POLL:  
> Is this it for Kylo Ren and General Hux?  
> Vote A for “They’re Through”  
> Vote B for “They’ll Make It”  
> Vote C for “They Better Be Fine or I’m Losing a Lot of Money to Captain Phasma”  
> Or write in your own answer!


End file.
